It was 6:15 AM on a Tuesday morning. The kind of cold, dark morning where your bed feels like a warm cocoon and every fiber of your being screams to hit snooze. I was halfway through my third week of early morning workout classes, and I was ready to quit. The novelty had worn off, the soreness had set in, and my motivation was running on fumes.
Then my fitness instructor, a woman named Maria who had been teaching classes for over twenty years, said something that stopped me in my tracks. She looked around the room at our tired, reluctant faces and said: "You know what I've learned after all these years? You have to do hard things for yourself. Not for anyone else. Not to look good for your partner or fit into a dress. You do hard things because they're hard, and because doing them makes you someone who can do hard things."
The Moment Everything Shifted
I've heard plenty of motivational speeches. I've read the self-help books. I've pinned the inspirational quotes. But something about Maria's words hit differently. Maybe it was the timing, or maybe it was the exhaustion that had stripped away my usual mental defenses. But I realized in that moment that I had been approaching self-discipline all wrong.
For years, my motivation for doing difficult things was always external. I exercised to look a certain way for others. I ate healthy because I was afraid of what people would think if I gained weight. I pushed myself at work to earn praise and promotions. Everything I did that was hard, I did it for some external validation or reward.
The problem with external motivation is that it's unreliable. Other people's opinions change. Rewards don't always come. And when the external payoff disappears, so does your motivation. That's why so many people yo-yo diet, or start and stop exercise programs, or burn out chasing career achievements that never feel like enough.
The Internal Shift: Doing Hard Things Because They're Hard
Maria's advice was radically different. She wasn't telling me to exercise so I'd look good or live longer or have more energy (though all those things are nice bonuses). She was telling me to do something difficult simply because it's difficult, and because completing difficult things builds something inside you that nothing else can.
Think about it: Every time you do something hard, you prove to yourself that you're capable of doing hard things. That might sound obvious, but the psychological impact is profound. When you consistently challenge yourself and follow through, you build what psychologists call self-efficacy: the belief in your own ability to succeed in specific situations or accomplish a task.
Self-efficacy is different from self-esteem. Self-esteem is how you feel about yourself in general. Self-efficacy is the confidence that comes from evidence. You've done hard things before. You can do them again. And that confidence bleeds into every area of your life.
The Science Behind Doing Difficult Things
Research in psychology supports what Maria intuitively understood. Studies on self-control and willpower, particularly the work of researchers like Roy Baumeister and Angela Duckworth, show that the ability to do difficult things is like a muscle. The more you exercise it, the stronger it gets.
Duckworth's research on "grit" the combination of passion and perseverance for long-term goals found that grit is a better predictor of success than IQ or talent. And grit is built, brick by brick, through the consistent practice of doing hard things.
There's also fascinating neuroscience behind this. When you complete a challenging task, your brain releases dopamine, creating a sense of accomplishment and reward. Over time, your brain actually rewires itself to associate difficulty with reward rather than purely with stress or discomfort. You start to crave the feeling of accomplishment that comes from pushing through something hard.
How I Applied This Advice
After that morning class, I started approaching challenges differently. Instead of asking "What will I get out of this?" I started asking "What will this make me capable of?" The shift might seem subtle, but it changed everything.
When my alarm went off at 5:30 AM, I stopped negotiating with myself about whether I felt like going to the gym. The point wasn't whether I felt like it. The point was proving to myself that I could do hard things even when I didn't feel like it. Especially when I didn't feel like it.
I applied the same mindset to other areas. Cold showers. Difficult conversations I'd been avoiding. Finishing projects I'd started. Learning skills that didn't come naturally. Each difficult thing I completed was a deposit in my self-efficacy bank account.
The Compound Effect of Self-Discipline
Here's what nobody tells you about doing hard things: the benefits compound. Like interest in a savings account, each small act of self-discipline builds on the last. After a few months of consistently doing difficult things, I noticed changes I hadn't anticipated.
My tolerance for discomfort had expanded dramatically. Things that used to feel impossibly hard now felt manageable. My baseline had shifted. The early morning workouts that once required heroic effort became routine. And because my capacity had grown, I could take on even bigger challenges.
I also noticed that my anxiety decreased. Much of my anxiety had come from avoiding difficult things, which only made them loom larger in my mind. When I adopted the practice of doing hard things head-on, the anxiety of anticipation disappeared. The hard thing itself was rarely as bad as the anxiety about doing it.
It's Not About Being Perfect
I want to be clear: adopting this mindset doesn't mean becoming a robot who never rests or someone who beats themselves up for every failure. Doing hard things for yourself also means being kind to yourself when you fall short. It means understanding that building self-discipline is a practice, not a destination.
Some days I still hit snooze. Some days I skip the gym. Some days I take the easy way out. The difference now is that I don't let those days derail me. I recognize them as part of the process, not evidence that I'm incapable. I get up the next day and do something hard again.
Start Small: A Practical Approach
If you're reading this and feeling inspired but also overwhelmed, let me offer some practical advice. You don't have to start by climbing Mount Everest or running a marathon. Self-discipline is built through consistent small actions, not occasional heroic efforts.
Start with something small but challenging. Make your bed every morning, even when you don't feel like it. Take a cold shower for thirty seconds. Go for a ten-minute walk when you'd rather scroll your phone. These tiny acts of doing things you don't feel like doing build the muscle you'll need for bigger challenges.
The key is consistency. It's better to do something small every day than something dramatic once a month. Each day you follow through, you're sending a message to yourself: "I am someone who does hard things."
The Unexpected Benefit: Freedom
One thing Maria didn't mention in that morning class, something I discovered on my own, is that doing hard things for yourself leads to an unexpected kind of freedom. When you're not dependent on external validation, you're free to choose challenges that genuinely matter to you. When you trust yourself to follow through, you're free to dream bigger.
The version of me who couldn't get out of bed for a 6 AM workout class would never have believed I'd one day run a half marathon, start my own business, or write articles like this one. But each hard thing I did built confidence for the next hard thing. And now I live a life filled with challenges I chose, not challenges that were forced on me by my own limitations.
Your Challenge Starts Now
I think about Maria often, though I don't take her classes anymore. I moved to a different city, but I carry her words with me. "Do hard things for yourself." It's become something of a mantra, a reminder whenever I'm tempted to take the easy path.
So here's my challenge to you: What's one hard thing you've been avoiding? What's one difficult task or habit that you keep putting off because it's uncomfortable? Don't do it for anyone else. Don't do it for the external reward. Do it because it's hard, and because completing it will make you someone who can do hard things.
That's the advice that changed my life. Maybe it can change yours too.